While many educators feel summer school and/or remedial classes are more beneficial for a child's self-esteem than holding him back, Grant disagrees. "Schools attempt to embezzle nature," he says. "Remedial classes help intellectually, but don't address a child who is emotionally or physically not ready to advance to the next grade." To prove his point, Grant uses an analogy. "Have you ever dated anyone who was extremely immature?" he asks. "Do you think that if you had worked with him using flash cards and a reader that it would have helped the relationship?"

Yet not everyone agrees that holding an academically struggling child back is to his benefit. According to the report, Failing Our Children: Finding Alternatives to In-Grade Retention, written by Intercultural Development Research Association (www.idra.org), an independent, non-profit research organization that advocates quality education for all children, 50 percent of students who repeat a grade do no better the second time, and 25 percent actually do worse. In addition, retained students have a higher rate of dropping out of school altogether before completing high school.

Another study, Retention and Social Promotion: Research and Implications for Policy, published in 2000 by ERIC Clearing House on Urban Education, concludes that early retention is actually harmful. "Even the best-designed of recent studies that found in favor of retention in general also found that students retained in first grade do worse than expected, both academically and emotionally. There is also substantial evidence that retention in kindergarten is equally harmful. Being removed from a group of peers with whom a student has just gotten comfortable seems to compound the difficulty of adjusting to school and to set the child back rather than help."

Grant offers other options for a struggling older child who says being left behind is simply not cool. If you can afford it, pull him out of public school and let him repeat a grade in private school; or, try a less rigorous academic track. If he does graduate, encourage him to take time off before going to college. "Do something nurturing," says Grant, who himself took two years off after high school to work. "I was mature enough to know I was too immature to go on to college," he laughs.

So what can you do now to ensure a happy and successful school experience for your little one? Most importantly, make sure he's properly placed in the appropriate grade. Develop his language skills through reading, singing, and chanting. Encourage his curiosity by including him in day-to-day family tasks such as cooking and gardening. Allow him to hone his fine motor skills by holding a pencil and writing his name or cutting paper. Don't push, but cheer his accomplishments on. And don't be afraid to say, "My child is not ready for school." Consider the whole child, not just the number of candles on a birthday cake.