Most parents feel at least a little apprehensive when the school calls to schedule a parent-teacher conference. Even if a parent initiates the conference, many worry about what the teacher might say. Here are some tips to help lessen the anxiety. Taking these steps will allow the parent and teacher to create a win-win situation for the student.

1. Prepare and participate.

Do not make the mistake of going into a parent-teacher conference only to listen. Be proactive. Parents should think about their child's performance at school beforehand and list issues to discuss. Take a notebook or pad to jot notes as the teacher talks and record plans of action. Those with middle or high school students should be prepared for the possibility that they may face a whole team of educators. If that is intimidating, suggest that another person (a guidance counselor, a family friend, a mutual acquaintance) attend too.

2. Recognize that parents are essential team players in a child's education.

Maybe a dad does not understand phonics or cannot calculate algebra problems. However, he can be interested in the child and his role as her first and forever teacher. Acknowledge the teacher's expertise but understand that parents know their child better than anyone else and trust those intuitions. Share what is happening at home, as it relates directly or indirectly to the child's studies.

3. Focus on the child.

This may seem obvious but most people carry a lot of baggage into these encounters. When that happens, what starts as a simple conversation can quickly escalate into an altercation. On the other hand, if both parties begin determined to help the child, positive results are more likely. Asking these questions can facilitate that approach:

• What does my child do well (academically, socially, emotionally)?
• What are the specific areas I am concerned about or would like to see improve?
• How can the school and home environment work together to foster progress in this area?
• Are there learning ability or learning style issues?

Camille Dominguez, a teacher in Albuquerque, New Mexico, remembers one of her more difficult situations. "Once I encountered a mother who was frustrated by her daughter's struggles in learning math. The mother sent me a note berating me for things out of my control such as a poorly written textbook, then called the principal to complain. I envisioned treating her the same way in an upcoming meeting but I had to keep her daughter's, my student's, success in mind. Instead of reacting emotionally, I prepared notes on how the mother could help her daughter progress." In turn, the parent moved away from those uncontrollable issues and toward a more constructive approach.