Why Kids Tease

To arm your child with strategies to manage teasing, parents first need to grasp the reasons why children tease one another. Understanding the possible source of the teasing will help kids feel more confident in their responses.

• Some children tease because they feel inferior. Putting someone else down can give kids a sense power that makes them feel better about themselves.


• Children sometimes tease to go along with the crowd, when teasing is considered the cool thing to do. As a result, kids who are teasing feel more socially accepted.


• Occasionally children hear older siblings or kids in the neighborhood teasing one another. Imitating these older kids may make them feel important or mature.


• Sometimes children tease one another playfully. This type of teasing can go too far and result in hurt feelings.


• People may tease because they feel scared or unhappy. Making someone else feel scared or unhappy somehow makes the teaser feel better.

Simple Steps to Empower Your Child

Nicole Stadler gives her students simple steps they can use in response to teasing. Your child cannot control the teasing, but he can control how he responds to it.

• If someone is teasing you, try to ignore the behavior or walk away. Many times children tease just to get attention for themselves. If the teasing is ignored, the teaser has not received the desired attention and may stop.


• If the teasing continues, stand up for yourself. Tell the teaser you would like him to stop. Use a feeling statement such as, "When you call me names, it makes me feel embarrassed." Or, try a strong statement such as, "Please stop teasing me now," and walk away.


• If you have followed the first two steps and teasing continues, seek help. Tell a parent or a teacher.

It can also be helpful for parents to share examples of times they've been teased and how they worked through it. Children find comfort in knowing they aren't the only ones who have experienced hurt feelings as a result of teasing. Listening to strategies that worked from adults they love and admire can be very empowering. Role play with your child to help her gain confidence and develop go-to statements she can use in response. Through role-playing, you can demonstrate how you might respond or walk away from the situation.

Giving your child these strategies may have a long-term impact. Inevitably your child will need to deal with a disrespectful coworker, a difficult boss, or a challenging neighbor down the road. Children with strategies to manage tough social situations develop into adults who manage unpleasant interpersonal situations well. Working with your child to develop strong responses to teasing early on will offer your child untold benefits in the future.